WHY WERE THEY BOUNCING?

Dear Arthur,  Why Were They Bouncing?

I’m really confused about something that happened last night.

I had been restless.  My bed didn’t feel right, so I kept getting off and on it about forty-two eleventeen times (not sure, I don’t count so good).  Then I started biting that itchy spot on my tail for awhile.

Just when I was about to get into a nice extended session of crotch licking, I heard some strange sounds and thumping upstairs.  

“Buglars!”  I thought.  “BUGLARS are in the house!”

I knew about BUGLARS because Percy the Wiener 4Legs had warned me about them.  Percy said they grab all your treats and thump things.  He said they mostly come at night.

So I growled, a deep growl in my deepest threatening Chihuahua voice, my fierce bulging eye about to pop out.  And softly - oh, so softly - I went up the upsteps.

The sounds were coming from the 2Legs’ Sleep Room.  There were bloodcurdling screams and moans.

I crept into the room, ready to latch my lethal teeth (tooth, actually) into the BUGLAR’s ankle and take him down.

But there was no BUGLAR.

Instead, there were only both of my 2Legs on the SleepBoard bouncing up and down.  And they were saying things like “Oh!  Oh!  Oh!”  and “More!” and “Wanda!” and “Yes!  Yes!  Yes, Bill, Yes!”  And the SleepBoard was banging against the wall and they looked like they were playing BITEYFACE with each other.  

It was very strange for my 2Legs to act that way.

And they did not say “Treat” or “Walk,” so I did not know what was going on.

And no BUGLAR, as I said.

So I went back downstairs and peed in a dark corner to show my great displeasure.

Arthur, what was that all about?

Sincerely,

Spike the Chihuahua 

Dear Spike:

You are DUM.

That is called a RHUMPUS RUCKUS.  That is the way 2Legs wrassle.

And do not be surprised if some time goes by and another 2Legs is in the house - a small, stinky one.  It happens.

Now leave me alone here in Jail.

Arthur the BadAiredale