Dear Arthur:

There is a squirrel in the tree in my yard.  He keeps throwing nuts at me.  He’s really mean, too - he says things like “Why don’t you come when you’re called, you Cocker Spaniel!” and “You smell like Shih Tzu!”

This is what he looks like:

What should I do?  All the other Airedales on Facebook are laughing at me and calling me “Wilbur!”

Signed

Tostito El Frado the WonderDale

Dear Tostito:

With your stupid name you deserve to be abused.

However, before you run off to join the circus as a clown, you need to get your game face on and put him in his place.

Try this one:

If that doesn’t work, you can borrow this:

I have found this particularly effective in resolving problems with neighbours.  It shoots bath bubbles; most everyone runs off because they think they'll get a bath any moment.

Hope this helps.  If it doesn't, I really don't care much.

Sincerely yours, Arthur TheBad Airedale