WHAT ARE THOSE THINGS?

Dear Arthur,

I have not been on this planet very long, only 6 months, but perhaps you could clear up a mystery for me.

The 2Legs have these “creatures” that live with us. 

They are not dogs, but smaller, and make a “mawing” sound. They never go outside, nor do they want to even though a leash is provided, and they are allowed on the bed and the counter AND they get special smelly food. 

However, the big mystery is this, they also have a box sort of thing that they go into a couple times a day and leave food nuggets in some sort of sand. The 2Legs are forever scooping these nuggets out and throwing them away. However when I go in there to eat a few (I mean why waste food) I get yelled out.

Why throw away perfectly good food? I don’t get it?


Thank you.

Sincerely, Constantine (Stan)

Dear Stan:

You are so right - what a waste of food!  But I will tell you how to solve this problem.  This is perhaps the easiest matter I've ever had to solve with Badvice.

Have you ever read the story of "The Goose That Laid the Golden Egg?"  Of course not!  You're a dog, and so am I.  Neither one of us has read it.  So the story goes like this:  some goose ate a bunch of golden eggs so a 2Legs cut it open to get them back.  But they were too late.

But it's not too late for you!  You see those food treats going into the box, so there's lots more in those things.

Here is what those things are:  they are called ChaseChomps.  You chase them and chomp them.

They come in Chewy and Crunchy.  Sometimes both.

And they come in all kinds of flavours, too:  there's chocolate, and those grey/white ones are liquorice flavoured.  But by far my favourite are the orange/white Creamsicle flavours.

The very, very best thing is that they love for you to Chomp them.  Okay?  Some like you to Chase them before you Chomp them.  Others punch you in the face and make a sound like bacon sizzling (mmmmmm...bacon).

But the point is that you should Chomp them to save your 2Legs the trouble of throwing away all the good food that you could eat.

Bon Appetit!

Arthur TheBad Airedale