DEAR ARTHUR...I'VE BEEN DIGGING

DEAR ARTHUR - I’M DIGGING

Dear Arthur,

My 2Legs keep getting angry at me because I have been digging in the yard.

I don’t know why they yell at me.  

They have a brand new little 2Legs that cries and poops all the time.  

When I go to sniff it, they start screaming really loud. 

The little 2Legs smells really bad and never plays, not even when I bring my favourite squeaky toy and drop it in front of it.

The big 2Legs also don’t play with me any more.  They used to hug me and wrassle with me, but now they just say to go outside.

So I dig.

I dig because I’m bored.

I dig because I’m upset.

I dig because maybe I’ll find something good at the bottom of one of the holes.  I never do, though it smells pretty good down there.

The mastiff down the street says that the little 2Legs is going to be around for a long, long time.  I don’t know if I like that.

So I dig.  And the big 2Legs keep yelling at me even more.

Arthur, what should I do?

Bruce the Digging Dale

Dear Bruce the Digging Dale:

That pink smelly thing is called a BABY.  It will be around for a long time.  It will learn to love you and kiss you more than the big 2Legs.  Just wait.

As far as the digging goes, keep digging.  They love it when you dig.  Don’t be fooled by all their yelling.  Go up to them smiling and laugh and wag your tail,

Here’s another thing you can do that will please them.

Go into their dirty clothes and pick out the stinkiest piece you can find.  Then drag it all over the house and chew on it in front of them, especially when they have someone new come over.  They get all excited and wave their upper tails all over the place as they loudly tell you how wonderful you are.

See how I'm doing it?  Be sure to chew and slobber all over the crotch area, then gallop around the house in a great game of chase.

You can thank me later.

Yours,

Arthur TheBad Airedale